“I am mastering the art of being both soft and strong, vulnerable and unbreakable, rising above and staying grounded, loving and not taking crap from anyone.” Jess Brown
I posted this quote on my Instagram a few months ago, and had a friend ask me how do I find the balance? So I am sharing my tricks for how I personally find the balance.
//To be both soft and strong//
Being soft and strong means living from a place of love without expectation or need for validation. To be soft is to love humans with out conditions. Meaning you love regardless of what they offer you, how they treat you, or how they show up in the world. It’s expressing deep compassion and acceptance that humans get to show up how ever they please and holding space for them as they do so. The strength comes from deeply loving yourself first, and in loving yourself not allowing how other people show up in their world to affect your inner world. Tips and tricks to create space for both. Set a timer for 5 minutes and sit quietly, or lay down with your eyes closed and just repeat “I love myself” or pick a mantra that empowers you and only say that for 5 minutes. Do this at the start of every day for a month, see what happens. Start a gratitude journal, spend a minute free writing everything in your life you are grateful for. Recognize your own struggle, your own pain, your own needs, and realize everyone in the world feels that struggle, that pain, that need for love. Write down 3 things each week you can do for other people, and actually do them. One of my favorites is simply asking someone “How can I support you?”
//To be vulnerable and unbreakable//
Being vulnerable and unbreakable means speaking your truth, expressing candidly, authentically, and lovingly while recognizing everything you seek is already inside of you. Being vulnerable means existing without walls, speaking your inner truth, and showing up 100% as yourself in the world. It means choosing love even when you recognize your own fears and allowing people in to your sacred inner world. Showing up in the world authentically can be terrifying, taking the mask off and being real means you could get hurt. But you only get hurt when there is expectations behind what you do. So in order to be vulnerable AND unbreakable, let go of expectations. The only person who owes you, who you have control over, and who can give you exactly what you need is you. Everything you seek from other people, you can give to yourself, and you should give to yourself. Everything. So when you find yourself getting anxious or feeling hurt or angry or fearful ask yourself two things. What is it that I am seeking right now? And how can I offer that to myself? Are you seeking validation, validate yourself. Are you seeking love, love yourself. Are you seeking pleasure, pleasure yourself. Are you seeking support, support yourself. When you recognize you are your greatest ally, you are your source of everything you seek in the world, you become unbreakable.
//To rise above and stay grounded//
To rise above and stay grounded means to consciously choose how you want to show up in the world, without ego. Rising above is about seeing yourself clearly, especially in the heat of the moment, and intentionally choosing how you want to respond. Recognizing that even when you live from love, have deep compassion for humans, and hold space for people without judgement, a situation or person may still get to you. We all have an inner truth built based on our life experiences, and sometimes the truths that don’t serve us get triggered. Rising above is about recognizing when you are being triggered, and seeing the power to choose. Maybe someone is really grinding your nerves and you are getting really angry, reacting in the moment may look like yelling, saying things you don’t mean, slamming a door, or turning red in the face. What rising above looks like is the ability to recognize your emotions as your own, and no one else’s, and to own them. To be able to say I am letting myself get worked up so I am going to go take a walk and take some deep breaths. Staying grounded is recognizing this is your practice and values and not everyone has developed the ability to do this in the heat of the moment. This means two things, try not to judge others when they struggle with rising above, and two don’t pat yourself on the back for rising above, it isn’t about ego, or having the upper hand, it’s about growing as a human. A way to practice this in the heat of the moment is in the morning write down three values or characteristics of how you want to show up in the world, say them a few times in your head, and when you are triggered come back to the things you are trying to cultivate in yourself.
//To love and not take crap from anyone//
To love while not taking crap from anyone is having deep compassion while recognize and setting boundaries with people. To love is a choice. It isn’t a feeling, it is an intention. To show kindness and compassion for the human experience, for yourself and others. To love means to hold space, to understand, to allow the freedom of expression. Love comes in many forms and to love is simply to choose to live in love rather then fear, but to also recognize your personal boundaries and own them, kindly. Not taking crap from people means respecting yourself enough to speak and own your boundaries. Maybe that means not being someone’s punching bag when they have a bad day, maybe it means letting someone know they are making you uncomfortable, maybe it means to completely separate yourself from someone. Whatever your boundaries are you get to set them and respect them. Expressing your boundaries can be a very loving and liberating thing. To figure out your own boundaries starts with learning to listen to your inner voice, what is she or he saying to you? You know when someone is pushing your boundaries, you may get that gut feeling, you may get uncomfortable, you may get upset, just recognize your power lies in expressing where your line is. No one will know until you express yourself. This one takes practice and a very intentional mind. This one takes practice in the moment. Start small with setting boundaries, and frame it in a way that is you owning your space.
Finding balance takes practice and also takes being unbalanced to recognize your tipping points. Look at this like yoga for your mind, the more you practice intentionally, the better and stronger you get. Start small, start with one until you feel more confidant and it feels like second nature, then move on to the next balancing point. And when in doubt always choose love over fear, whatever that looks like for you, always come back to love.